way too much of this blog has been devoted to my disastrous love life. if you can call it that... i've been dealing with a lot more drama than i've become accustomed to and i owe it all to that boy i once cared so much about. now don't get me wrong, i still have that irrational need to have him in my life. now however, i can recognize where those emotions and feelings are steaming from. a HUGE accomplishment. HUGE!!
i'm not a terribly proud person. what i mean to say is that i am not overly proud, i can take defeat, failure, etc, pretty well. this being said, i can attribute almost all of my issues with said boy to pride. i kept giving him chances, even when he didn't deserve them, over and over again, hoping he'd prove me right! he'd prove to me that i gave my heart to someone who deserved it! even though things didn't work out, i wasn't wrong to give my heart to him. but i was wrong, and i hate being proved wrong, especially about this. it may not seem like a major feat, but for me, it is. knowing now exactly why i keep giving him chances is empowering. the only downside is the immense disappointment flooding over me from the realization that he wasn't worth it, he didn't deserve my love or my friendship. i was wrong about him.
i'm hoping everything will be easier with this knowledge, this slap in the face. i've come to really dislike this boy in the last few months; in a way i didn't think was possible. i don't like these feelings but i hope they give me the push i need to really and truly move on once and for all. let it sink in: lauren... he. isn't. worth. it.
