[ cha-cha-cha-changes ]

so i posted a month or so ago about a new job opportunity. sadly, it has ended. truth be told it wasn't a good fit. i have no doubt in my mind that it was for the best that i am no longer involved with the agency lifestyle, i don't think it's what i am meant to do. i'm not sure where i am meant to end up, or what i'll end up doing, but i do know that the cookie-cutter, 9-5 office life, isn't for this girl. it's been a month or so back into my old schedule and i am noticing a difference in my mood and in my general happiness. 

another major difference is the absence of my gentleman. he left about 4 weeks ago to cycle across the country, from here at home to california. i know right, my boyfriend is so cool! he will be gone for the next month and a half and let me tell you. i am loosing my shit! i didn't know i could miss someone so much. 


onto happier notes! here are some pictures to recap from my time away!

 

we celebrated my roommate Megs' birthday!

 

with a "silence of the lambs" themed cake. 

 

i found this really beautiful old building back behind my old work place. i want to go back and take pictures closer up! 

 

squidbillys cake for a girl at work.  

 

really cute retirement cake. 

 

the day i was let go i made this. kind of a "fuck-off" feast. if you will :) 

 

we had the largest catering order ever and i made three quadruple batches of chocolate chip cookie dough. by hand!  

 

cupcake experimenting at brown bag!  

 

ice cream cone cake. 

 

we dog sat our close friends pup, tone jaw. he builds nests.  

 

dylan turned 25. and we celebrated! boy, oh boy do i miss him! 

 

this might be my favorite thing i've done. 

 

always room for improvement, but i thought the owl turned out well! 

 

interesting buttercream application, am i right? 

 

i dropped dylan off back home. there is so much more sky there than here! 

 

my baby sister graduated from high school. i decided i needed to look my best.

 

after the ceremony aunt ann and i got greek fries. best thing in erie. hands down. 

 

little baby ragey! i couldn't believe how elegant and grown up she looked.  

 

oh. i bought i bicycle! her name's burdie.  

 

this is the hail storm that rolled in right before said sister's graduation party. 

 

more intimidating storm clouds!  

 

i was home for a grand total of four days. i had an ice cream cone everyday. i can't decide if there's something wrong with that statement or not... 

 

my new breakfast! frozen grapes. so refreshing! 

all caught up. hopefully i will be able to update a little more frequently now that i've got some time on my hands, but who knows! after this 60+ hour work week, i am beyond spent!

[ current obsession ]

there is a lady in my life. her name is adele. i adore her. it's a problem. primarily because her album doesn't come out until february. FEBRUARY!!! cruel adele, cruel. 

here is a link to a NPR show she and another artist, angel taylor played in philly. check it out. absolutely beautiful. 

[ home, sweet home ]

I'M OFFICIALLY BACK!

this past weekend i officially moved back to Columbus. i'll be posting pictures of the new place and the cozy new room i call my own. 

be back soon loves!

[ reckless ]

sums me up quite nicely i believe. it seems like when i finally have things back on track i completely derail.  it's one of my most obnoxious traits. after a bad break-up, i don't think anyone can be certain exactly how they will be effected. i know i had no clue. turns out i'm a lot more damaged than i ever could imagine. even though i feel stupid saying this, and it's not at all the same thing, i was minorly abused by the one i love. it's not the kind of abuse you can see or even talk about, it's the kind where the evidence shows up long after the damage is done. the core of me, more or less, has been altered due to his actions toward me. and now? now i feel like a crazy. reading way more into something than i should. assuming feelings that aren't there. all the things i did to compensate for being treated badly. what have i done to myself? 

onto more pleasant business. literally. i am in the executive decision making business now. i've put my life on hold for long enough. i've cleaned my wounds and patched myself up the best i can, and now it's time to move on. i've been pretending for a long time now that home is where i belong. that erie had enough to hold me. i love my home, but i can't stay here any more. i've made up my mind and i'm moving back to columbus. now i have to figure out when! 

oh, p.s. i do realize the contradictory nature of those last lines in the picture above and my previous statements! 

[ cap city ]

i'm heading to columbus this weekend for a mini vacation before my life is re-taken over by work. yes, that's right, i landed myself a job. as of right now the job is only a part time gig, however the owner believes it will form into a full time opportunity in the next few months. i'm not going to lie, i really enjoy being unemployed. i like having all this time to myself. the last time i remember feeling this way i was a sophomore in high school. after that art/design took over my life and i've been running on empty since then. as much as i'm looking forward to this new challenge, i'm also not exactly 100% about it.

i've been pretty exhausted lately. i'm going to the gym five times a week and then going out with my grandma about three to four times a week to visit my great grandpa. i'd never assume that going to visit him would be so draining, but it is. i can't imagine how the little lady does it every day; sometimes twice a day. i'm convinced my grandma is wonder woman.

[ fail ]

the month of march was not good to me. after a long over due trip to columbus, ohio, i suffered a crippling head cold for a couple weeks. after recovering from this nasty bit of sickness my great grandpa t's health started spiraling. my grandma goes out to visit him everyday, and i took to the practice as well. she'd pick me up and we'd go out together. i was her support system i guess? i don't know how much support i gave her, but it seemed to be a little easier on her with me there. plus i could provide comedic relief when she would brush his dentures... so gross.

i applied for a job with a company in boulder, colorado last month too. here are some pictures of what i created for them:

i made a "mini-portfolio" to send to them, did a french fold of the portfolio pages, and made covers out of a gray wool and leather. it was the first creative thing i've done since graduating and i couldn't be happier with the way it turned out! i also created another pattern for the back of my resume/cover letters. i've jumped on the plaid trend hard, as you can tell by the back of my cover letter...

[ long over due ]

way too much of this blog has been devoted to my disastrous love life. if you can call it that... i've been dealing with a lot more drama than i've become accustomed to and i owe it all to that boy i once cared so much about. now don't get me wrong, i still have that irrational need to have him in my life. now however, i can recognize where those emotions and feelings are steaming from. a HUGE accomplishment. HUGE!!

i'm not a terribly proud person. what i mean to say is that i am not overly proud, i can take defeat, failure, etc, pretty well. this being said, i can attribute almost all of my issues with said boy to pride. i kept giving him chances, even when he didn't deserve them, over and over again, hoping he'd prove me right! he'd prove to me that i gave my heart to someone who deserved it! even though things didn't work out, i wasn't wrong to give my heart to him. but i was wrong, and i hate being proved wrong, especially about this. it may not seem like a major feat, but for me, it is. knowing now exactly why i keep giving him chances is empowering. the only downside is the immense disappointment flooding over me from the realization that he wasn't worth it, he didn't deserve my love or my friendship. i was wrong about him.

i'm hoping everything will be easier with this knowledge, this slap in the face. i've come to really dislike this boy in the last few months; in a way i didn't think was possible. i don't like these feelings but i hope they give me the push i need to really and truly move on once and for all. let it sink in: lauren... he. isn't. worth. it.

[ sunny days ]

today, though utterly unproductive has been pretty fantastic. since my full insurance will be up on sunday, i decided i needed a new pair of glasses. i mean, who knows the next time i'll have vision insurance? i don't. so i drove out to east jesus nowhere and picked out an adorable pair of new frames that will be mine in a week or so. very excited :) so instead of taking the highway home, i took the long way, and continued to drive aimlessly for some time. it's been such a long time since i've gone for a drive. just me and my car, frances. it felt good. music blaring, singing at the top of my lungs, just driving with no destination, no time schedule. i might [funds for gas permitting of course] have to do this more often. it feels fantastic.