[ inspiration ]

since i am stuck in my current situation indefinitely, i have to make the best of it. if i don't, things could get ugly quick; the bad out weights the good at the moment and i refuse to see clearly. i found this adorable necklace in my quest for things to fill my overwhelmingly free time.

http://aromysoriginals.blogspot.com/2009/09/knotty-knitted-necklace-tutorial.html

picking up materials to start on it tonight, and i must say...i'm pretty excited. i really fell in love with her braided version of the necklace, however i'm a hot mess when it comes to measuring things out like her directions call for. could be a very interesting weekend.

[ so not good at this ]

dedication to this thing is clearly something i lack.

a newfound zest to share my thoughts has brought me back, hopefully for longer than a 3-post stint... i am gearing up for, what has the potential to be, a very painful separation. this goes without saying, but i'm not looking forward to it. i am hoping with his departure, i can finally settle down and really dedicate myself to moving on. new job. new town. new chance at life. both of these events are destined to happen, he is contractually bound, and i cannot stay here much longer without putting my sanity and general well being in serious jeopardy.

but where to go? i have fantasy lives all over the world, but such an extreme distance from my family terrifies me. cities like boulder, portland, and raleigh have all been very appealing to me, interestingly enough, one for each zone...east, west, and middle. but were do i go? how does one make a decision like this? completely uproot and move somewhere new? i've done it once for school, however that's one hell of a safety net. there are no safety nets that i can see in this situation.

more to come...but for now, here is one of my favorite images i've come across in the last few weeks.

[ conflict ]

it's been awhile. i thought i'd be better at this.

i've been broken up for almost a year from the boy i love. i keep thinking it will get better. it doesn't. i come to a point where i recognize growth, change, a readiness to move on, and then i am taken back, but never completely.

he's leaving. gone for two months with no form of communication. we haven't gone a whole week without talking in some form. not once in three years. it makes me sick to think about. i want to cherish the time i have left with him, but he's so far. i know that this forced time apart will be good. will help. but everything is easier when he's with me. it is the unknown that scares me. i don't know how i'll cope without him. my best friend. my love.

enough for now. i can't open these feelings tonight, this morning.

things will be better tomorrow.

[ quasi-renewed spirit ]

there is nothing like live music to awaken my spirit.

i wish i could bottle that feeling up, keep it in storage, and bring it out when i need a small dose of amazement and inspiration. would do wonders for my attitude these days.

the weekend flew by, as does all my free time it feels. i don't like that this one is so divided. on one hand it was really good, i learned things i needed to in order to get on with my life. on the other hand... learning that lesson has left me emotionally crippled. i fell in love with my best friend. awhile ago we broke up. getting over him has proved much easier said then done. i probably sound ridiculous.

this weekend progress was made. i realized that the person i know versus the person i fell in love with, are no longer one in the same. a truly painful and heartbreaking realization. the guy i love isn't there anymore, or at least, is a small fraction of the person i know now. it's bittersweet; it's easier for me anyway, to love a memory, but much harder at the same time to know the person i gave my whole heart to is slowly disappearing.

what's a girl to do?

[ two of my favorite things ]

two of my favorite things: wood grain and ceramics. porcelain to be exact. *swoon*

[ chocolate before bed ]

my mother has always told me not to eat or drink anything chocolate before bed because i would have weird dreams. at 22, still not having a funky dream due to chocolate consumption, i was weary to believe her. however last night, after celebrating my baby sister's birthday with a round of chocolate cup cakes at midnight, i am a newly devoted believer that chocolate messes with your sub conscious when devoured late at night.

several months ago i cut my right index knuckle while washing a glass cup. big, oozing, deep cut to my hand. no good. no fun. last night i dreamt that my cut that i've had for months got infected, and the more i swung my arms the more infected it got. and i was dying. this small cut and this small infection would be the death of me. my mother, both a nurse in real life, and a nurse in my dream broke the news.

i am never eating/drinking chocolate anything before i go to sleep.

[ let me introduce myself ]

oh hey.

so, i'm lauren and i have no idea why i created this.

i'm hoping something will come from it, inspiration, support, anything really.

i'll be posting things that inspire me, help me, and make me laugh.

i hope you enjoy.