[ reckless ]

sums me up quite nicely i believe. it seems like when i finally have things back on track i completely derail.  it's one of my most obnoxious traits. after a bad break-up, i don't think anyone can be certain exactly how they will be effected. i know i had no clue. turns out i'm a lot more damaged than i ever could imagine. even though i feel stupid saying this, and it's not at all the same thing, i was minorly abused by the one i love. it's not the kind of abuse you can see or even talk about, it's the kind where the evidence shows up long after the damage is done. the core of me, more or less, has been altered due to his actions toward me. and now? now i feel like a crazy. reading way more into something than i should. assuming feelings that aren't there. all the things i did to compensate for being treated badly. what have i done to myself? 

onto more pleasant business. literally. i am in the executive decision making business now. i've put my life on hold for long enough. i've cleaned my wounds and patched myself up the best i can, and now it's time to move on. i've been pretending for a long time now that home is where i belong. that erie had enough to hold me. i love my home, but i can't stay here any more. i've made up my mind and i'm moving back to columbus. now i have to figure out when! 

oh, p.s. i do realize the contradictory nature of those last lines in the picture above and my previous statements! 

[ such a joke ]

so... in my attempt to "be better at this" i utterly failed. maybe i'm too busy for this? maybe i'm too tired for this? i don't know. i need to reassess what i'm doing with my time and how to better manage it. 

i want my hair to be this long. or a little shorter. 

image found : www.ffffound.com

[ devotion ]

i think i'm going to make a conscious effort to be better at this. i recently read elsie's 5 tips for bloggers over on her blog, a beautiful mess, and have become incredibly inspired. i really want this to be the jumping off point to this whole re-birth thing that's more or less happening to me. 

i'll be back later tonight, fingers crossed, with some more updates! 

[ new spaces ]

these past few weeks have been insanely hectic. primarily because i got to cross another item off my "23 before i'm 24" list.... PURCHASE A NEW DESK!! who would have thought that a new desk could change my outlook on life? i mean look at her, she's pretty impressive. 

along with this fancy shmancy desk, i also purchased a new and improved desk lamp, and a couple egg-shaped containers for my pens, pencils, markers, etc... it's a weird feeling to be honest, i feel like i've got a completely new lease on life! which is a weird effect for a desk to have on a girl. but i guess that's just how intense i feel about a good working environment. everything feels fresh and possible and it's completely contagious! i've made so much progress on a couple projects i can't wait to share! 

[ card makin' machine ]

so i finally have gotten around to making a cd of all the joshua radin music i have for my friend shannon. turns out i was feeling the need for a creative outlet because i 100% went overboard on it :) i created my own hand-made packaging for the cd and i'm really happy with how it turned out! i hope she likes it too! 

gone overboard? maybe. but i had so much fun making this for my dear friend! 

[ a little light sprucing ]

so i'd grown tired of my old blog look and have slowly been updating it. so far i like the changes i've made, but who knows, there may be more to come!

along with the make over i gave the blog, i've also been working on my cousin's wedding invitations and refinishing my night stands. (images & pictures to come) although this hasn't been the best weekend, i've gotten a lot of what i wanted accomplished. this brightens this rainy day considerably!

[ "you're beautiful. stay that way. or i'll kick your ass" ]

so, i've been a little out of it these last couple weeks. this guy right here died a couple saturdays ago and i haven't been all put back together since.

he's my favorite. i was one of the lucky ones who got to take care of him and love him and be there for him on a regular basis. this is my great grandfather to boot. 96 years old. he gave us the gift of time (among so many other things that i cherish) and i feel so lucky to have known him, to have really known him.


heartbreak is really an interesting emotion. it's all encompassing. i don't think i've known sadness like this, well, let's be real here, that break up was pretty painful; but this is different. i miss him so much. i only hope i can leave behind such an amazing legacy and be as important to someone as he was to me.


i love you grandpa t. and i miss you very very much.


























p.s. he was the sharpest dresser i've ever known haha! look at that suite! he's favorite color was red and i bought a pair of bright red Tom's shoes in loving memory of him.