[ reckless ]

sums me up quite nicely i believe. it seems like when i finally have things back on track i completely derail.  it's one of my most obnoxious traits. after a bad break-up, i don't think anyone can be certain exactly how they will be effected. i know i had no clue. turns out i'm a lot more damaged than i ever could imagine. even though i feel stupid saying this, and it's not at all the same thing, i was minorly abused by the one i love. it's not the kind of abuse you can see or even talk about, it's the kind where the evidence shows up long after the damage is done. the core of me, more or less, has been altered due to his actions toward me. and now? now i feel like a crazy. reading way more into something than i should. assuming feelings that aren't there. all the things i did to compensate for being treated badly. what have i done to myself? 

onto more pleasant business. literally. i am in the executive decision making business now. i've put my life on hold for long enough. i've cleaned my wounds and patched myself up the best i can, and now it's time to move on. i've been pretending for a long time now that home is where i belong. that erie had enough to hold me. i love my home, but i can't stay here any more. i've made up my mind and i'm moving back to columbus. now i have to figure out when! 

oh, p.s. i do realize the contradictory nature of those last lines in the picture above and my previous statements!