[ sunny days ]

today, though utterly unproductive has been pretty fantastic. since my full insurance will be up on sunday, i decided i needed a new pair of glasses. i mean, who knows the next time i'll have vision insurance? i don't. so i drove out to east jesus nowhere and picked out an adorable pair of new frames that will be mine in a week or so. very excited :) so instead of taking the highway home, i took the long way, and continued to drive aimlessly for some time. it's been such a long time since i've gone for a drive. just me and my car, frances. it felt good. music blaring, singing at the top of my lungs, just driving with no destination, no time schedule. i might [funds for gas permitting of course] have to do this more often. it feels fantastic.

[ telephone calls ]

he called today. oh man, it was SO good to hear his voice. it's been a little over seven weeks since we talked, and even longer since we've last seen each other. seven weeks doesn't sound like a very long time at all. we used to talk every day though, sometimes more than once. bah! i refuse to dwell. it was phenomenal talking with him today and i cannot wait until he comes home. i just hope we can see each other, even if it's only for an hour or so. keep your fingers crossed for me? yeah?

[ big dumb ninny ]

so much for being productive! i've been so bad this week, haven't gotten as much as i've wanted to done at all. although i have made small strides. made my last two doctor's appointments. found out i'm eligible for glasses before my insurance runs out. gone to the gym. once. oh drat!

i want to set a couple goals for the rest of this week. 1) get website working in dreamweaver 2) call my beloved andrea and beg her to walk me through hosting it 3) go to the gym every day! 4) write cover letter to amazing firms i've found in the last couple months (big, major, huge thing i need. nay. have to do. this one is a must!

get set. go!

p.s. how cute are these owls? image found on ffffound. i'm off to make myself a quesadilla. mayhaps i'll post again later. we'll see how much i get done! fingers crossed!

[ productive! ]

i hate wasting food. i made this tasty little breakfast sandwich about an hour and a half ago and have yet to eat it. lost all sense of appetite. harumph!

i can at the very least chalk my lack of appetite to being productive. whenever i get in the zone everything else falls to the wayside. appetite included. i made some pretty awesome strides today. balanced the old check book. paid all my bills. got my sister's confirmation letters up to the church. hung some things on my wall. and laid out three full pages of my new brand-spanking new website. then, due to pure idiocy on my part, lost everything i had created in illustrator. fuck. went to get the mail and came back to a crashed computer program. bah!

moving on. though i loved what i was doing, i hate illustrator of laying things out. it doesn't have the same kind of controls and guides indesign has. so though i have to restart basically, i can do it with more control, a closer comparison to the end result which i'll have to create in dreamweaver.

i've been listening to the glee soundtrack all day. i love it. for anyone who needs a free link to listen to all the songs they've done on the show, click here. hope you enjoy! i love this show! and i cannot wait for it to return in april! stupid american idol...

[ jello legs ]

did the gym thing yesterday. now i feel like jello. it's kind of a nice feeling; knowing my body has been worked and is now tired. when i was younger i was much more active. dancing, gymnastics, soccer, swimming, volleyball. not really an athlete, but i still did things to stay active. that came to a stand still when i started college. homework took over my life and the reality of being a poor college student didn't really allow a rigorous active lifestyle. i'm trying to fix that now.

had another dream about him last night. this brings the total up to six i believe. enough is enough subconscious. i get it, you're not ready to give up. but i am. one would think i could reconcile my inner feelings toward this boy, but i can't. he isn't in my thoughts as much, and i'm learning to breathe without him. but there is this little twitch in the back of my head, the back of my heart, that says, "hang on. don't give up."

some good news: my website is slowly getting off the ground. that's exciting. i want to have all the pages laid out in illustrator so next week i can get on dreamweaver and publish this bad boy. fingers crossed huh?

[ organization ]

a couple days into my new life and i am not doing as well as i had hoped. i really need to buckle down, get to the gym, work on the two projects i need to complete in the next two weeks. i have no excuses. no go!

awesome logo huh?

[ wood chips ]

good lord. this has been a crazy couple of days. on the one hand, i lost my job. on the other hand, i don't think i've been this happy/inspired/creative/excited/etc... in a very long time. i will work hard. i will. i am finally doing what i want both in life and in creative endeavors. i've learned my lessons and although i wish they would have walked away learning theirs, i know they won't.

moving on! minus that little hiccup last week, things have been good. i've been working little by little on all my "resolutions" and the list of things i want to do before i'm 24. although, with the loss of a paycheck some of the list, like save money, will be put on hold.

i'm not a big fan of snow, but driving my sister back to school last weekend was so beautiful! all the trees were covered in the fluffy stuff and everything looked so beautiful and peaceful.

all in all i'm ready to hit the ground running. but first i've got to makes some lists! for anyone who loves making lists i highly recommend this site: listography.com. i've been on it for a couple months now, and it's love!

[ two shoes! two shoes! ]

happy new year!!

yes, yes, yes. a little late. but better late than never right? i must say, this new year is treating me quite well. it is exactly the fresh start i want. i've started this year with a promise to myself to purge any and all excess in my life. i'm starting with possibly the most daunting aspect of my life, the personal part. i've deleted numbers from my phone, old emails that no longer bring joy and smiles to my life, and people from social networking sites that are either no longer in my life, were never in my life to begin with, or people I no longer want in my life. part of me thinks this is kind of harsh, give people the benefit of the doubt you know? maybe they'll surprise me and rise to the occasion? i have to keep telling myself that i've given everyone more than enough chances, and it's time to put my foot down. it's scary, but it feels good.

almost three months ago to the date, i broke my foot. and life as i knew it became 100x more complicated and more frustrating. as of yesterday, january 7th (my lucky number mind you!) i am finally rid of the air cast i have been sporting as an ever present left shoe. knowing a companion to my right shoe is now a reality has brought on a profound happiness and much brighter outlook to my life! i'm not really walking normal yet, and due to my lack of boot, my foot is much more sore than normal. but i'm not complaining... it feels amazing to be free of my astronaut boot!

the only cloud in my bright blue sky is the boy. he's been writing to me since he left. his letters make me miss him so much. they are so ridiculous and so funny, i was literally in tears while reading his last letter. he is transformed in my mind to the boy i loved, not the scum bag that left. it's hard to reconcile who he is when he isn't around to be a fucktard. it's do or die time with us. like always.

i want to end on a happy note. i'm trying to plan a couple trips this spring. one to north carolina and the other to portland. these are making me incredibly antsy, but i'm excited to potentially cross off an item on my "23 before i'm 24" list!