[ current obsession ]

there is a lady in my life. her name is adele. i adore her. it's a problem. primarily because her album doesn't come out until february. FEBRUARY!!! cruel adele, cruel. 

here is a link to a NPR show she and another artist, angel taylor played in philly. check it out. absolutely beautiful. 

[ hello, my name's lauren. what's yours? ]

who knew life could get so hectic? and stressful? and bring happiness i haven't felt in longer than i'd care to fess up to? 

in the three months i've been back in columbus my entire world has changed. i don't think i could put it into words without sounding ridiculous, but know that the move back might be the best decision i've ever made. i wake up happy. every day. it's hard to be in a bad mood when there is so much in my life to be excited about. i live in an amazing house with two of my best friends. i have two jobs where i am respected and appreciated for my talents and my character. and i've met someone who has given me a sense of hope that's been completely lacking for the past two years. 

i'm very proud to say my happiness has been entirely my own. i found it by myself and within myself. it's true what they say about loving yourself before you can love someone else, or give someone else the chance to love you, in my case. alright... i'm on the verge of gushing. 

hopefully i'll get better at making time for my little blog!

[ home, sweet home ]

I'M OFFICIALLY BACK!

this past weekend i officially moved back to Columbus. i'll be posting pictures of the new place and the cozy new room i call my own. 

be back soon loves!

[ autumn! ]

can anyone believe it's september already? i feel like this summer flew by at warp speed. although the weather hasn't gotten the memo yet. this week has been hotter than most of the month of august. and the humidity! walking outside is miserable. the air feels so heavy and stagnate. 

the count down is on... two weeks from today and i'll be a resident of columbus ohio again! my nerves are killing me! 

[ recycling ]

i bought this frame about three years ago with the intent of spray painting it and making it an earring holder. low and behold. three years later:

everything i used in this little rehab was recycled. old frame. old spray paint. old fabric. i'm so excited to hang it up in my new place! three weeks left till the big move!

[ momentum ]

as to not loose steam i am posting one of the projects i worked on this weekend! now i can't take credit for the idea, ( i got the tutorial from design*sponge) but i can say that the steps she provided work beautifully! 

i absolutely love these little paper flowers, and so does everyone i've given one to. warning: this project took so long! i highly recommend hanging them on a clothing line or something similar to cut down on drying time! 

[ september 15 ]

decision made. i'm moving to columbus effective september 15th. i have a place to live. but no job. i have friends there, some i've known for years, and others i can't wait to meet... oh hey lauren lankford! the stress surrounding this move has sucked all the joy out of it. but i am hoping that as time goes, and the move gets closer, that giddy-sick feeling in the pit of my stomach will return. 

my last blog was focused on feeling damaged and crazy. although i want to take those feelings and really learn from them and understand them, they weren't wrong. and i hate that. this guy that i had been seeing was in fact seeing someone else too. "one-woman-man" my ass. turns out my instinct is a lot more perceptive than i give it credit for. on the other hand, my eternal optimism and hope that people aren't ass hats, is starting to harm more than it helps. it's such a conflict! become jaded and hard? or keep this hope, this optimism that there are good people out there?

i'm working on so many things right now. little projects that, well, they make me smile. big projects like this move. and some attention to this blog. i really want to start and daily, or weekly series of blogs that i can share with you all. i'll keep everyone posted. 

[ reckless ]

sums me up quite nicely i believe. it seems like when i finally have things back on track i completely derail.  it's one of my most obnoxious traits. after a bad break-up, i don't think anyone can be certain exactly how they will be effected. i know i had no clue. turns out i'm a lot more damaged than i ever could imagine. even though i feel stupid saying this, and it's not at all the same thing, i was minorly abused by the one i love. it's not the kind of abuse you can see or even talk about, it's the kind where the evidence shows up long after the damage is done. the core of me, more or less, has been altered due to his actions toward me. and now? now i feel like a crazy. reading way more into something than i should. assuming feelings that aren't there. all the things i did to compensate for being treated badly. what have i done to myself? 

onto more pleasant business. literally. i am in the executive decision making business now. i've put my life on hold for long enough. i've cleaned my wounds and patched myself up the best i can, and now it's time to move on. i've been pretending for a long time now that home is where i belong. that erie had enough to hold me. i love my home, but i can't stay here any more. i've made up my mind and i'm moving back to columbus. now i have to figure out when! 

oh, p.s. i do realize the contradictory nature of those last lines in the picture above and my previous statements! 

[ such a joke ]

so... in my attempt to "be better at this" i utterly failed. maybe i'm too busy for this? maybe i'm too tired for this? i don't know. i need to reassess what i'm doing with my time and how to better manage it. 

i want my hair to be this long. or a little shorter. 

image found : www.ffffound.com

[ devotion ]

i think i'm going to make a conscious effort to be better at this. i recently read elsie's 5 tips for bloggers over on her blog, a beautiful mess, and have become incredibly inspired. i really want this to be the jumping off point to this whole re-birth thing that's more or less happening to me. 

i'll be back later tonight, fingers crossed, with some more updates! 

[ new spaces ]

these past few weeks have been insanely hectic. primarily because i got to cross another item off my "23 before i'm 24" list.... PURCHASE A NEW DESK!! who would have thought that a new desk could change my outlook on life? i mean look at her, she's pretty impressive. 

along with this fancy shmancy desk, i also purchased a new and improved desk lamp, and a couple egg-shaped containers for my pens, pencils, markers, etc... it's a weird feeling to be honest, i feel like i've got a completely new lease on life! which is a weird effect for a desk to have on a girl. but i guess that's just how intense i feel about a good working environment. everything feels fresh and possible and it's completely contagious! i've made so much progress on a couple projects i can't wait to share! 

[ card makin' machine ]

so i finally have gotten around to making a cd of all the joshua radin music i have for my friend shannon. turns out i was feeling the need for a creative outlet because i 100% went overboard on it :) i created my own hand-made packaging for the cd and i'm really happy with how it turned out! i hope she likes it too! 

gone overboard? maybe. but i had so much fun making this for my dear friend! 

[ a little light sprucing ]

so i'd grown tired of my old blog look and have slowly been updating it. so far i like the changes i've made, but who knows, there may be more to come!

along with the make over i gave the blog, i've also been working on my cousin's wedding invitations and refinishing my night stands. (images & pictures to come) although this hasn't been the best weekend, i've gotten a lot of what i wanted accomplished. this brightens this rainy day considerably!

[ "you're beautiful. stay that way. or i'll kick your ass" ]

so, i've been a little out of it these last couple weeks. this guy right here died a couple saturdays ago and i haven't been all put back together since.

he's my favorite. i was one of the lucky ones who got to take care of him and love him and be there for him on a regular basis. this is my great grandfather to boot. 96 years old. he gave us the gift of time (among so many other things that i cherish) and i feel so lucky to have known him, to have really known him.


heartbreak is really an interesting emotion. it's all encompassing. i don't think i've known sadness like this, well, let's be real here, that break up was pretty painful; but this is different. i miss him so much. i only hope i can leave behind such an amazing legacy and be as important to someone as he was to me.


i love you grandpa t. and i miss you very very much.


























p.s. he was the sharpest dresser i've ever known haha! look at that suite! he's favorite color was red and i bought a pair of bright red Tom's shoes in loving memory of him.

[ reality check ]

i spent this past week in the outer banks, north carolina. can you say amazing? so hard to come back home from a place like that. every day was so relaxing and beautiful. not that i really have a lot of stress going on here. i just started working and i live at home. not really a high stress environment.

while i was there an opportunity to see the boy came up. i haven't seen him in seven months. seven months. i can't even believe it. for about two and a half years we didn't go more than two weeks without seeing each other. i can't stress enough how unbelievable it is that we haven't seen each other in so long. naturally, i didn't see him. the depth of my disappointment is alarming and unsettling. i miss him more than i let myself believe i do.

for as relaxing my vacation was, i came home to a potential crisis. my great grandpa isn't doing well, and this past weekend was another really stressful and scary one for the family. i'll leave it at that, however the crisis was adverted seeing that he's doing much better now. *wipes sweat from forehead*

oh, ps, i made this today. my frosting skills leave much to be desired, but it's delicious!

[ new favorite ]

hello new nail polish! this is my new favorite thing, OPI's "who the shrek are you" and i'm going to wear it until i'm literally sick of it or completely out of it.

this has been a pretty crazy couple of days. i'll be back tomorrow or the next day when i have more time to pay the chaos justice.

do you have any new favorite things?

[ cap city : the after show ]

columbus ohio. a home of sorts for four years during college. i came to life in that city; really woke up to the person i wanted to become, and started working and growing towards being her. a major problem in discovering so much about yourself and growing into a different person is not fitting into that box you so comfortably lived in for so long.

i've run into this head on. my hometown isn't enough for me anymore. how awful does that sound? incredibly awful. it's the truth, no matter how i try to disguise it, how i try to belittle it, i can't deny it.

i'm well aware that the only thing truly keeping me here is my family. i recently read kelly cutrone's book, "if you have to cry go outside" and it really opened my eyes. it's a great book. honestly. if you're looking for some inspiration in your life, read it. you won't be disappointed. but after reading it i've made a pact with myself. if this new job doesn't work out by the end of the year i am moving. that's right. packing up all my belonging and leaving my security blanket to try and find some peace and happiness. sound like a plan?

[ cap city ]

i'm heading to columbus this weekend for a mini vacation before my life is re-taken over by work. yes, that's right, i landed myself a job. as of right now the job is only a part time gig, however the owner believes it will form into a full time opportunity in the next few months. i'm not going to lie, i really enjoy being unemployed. i like having all this time to myself. the last time i remember feeling this way i was a sophomore in high school. after that art/design took over my life and i've been running on empty since then. as much as i'm looking forward to this new challenge, i'm also not exactly 100% about it.

i've been pretty exhausted lately. i'm going to the gym five times a week and then going out with my grandma about three to four times a week to visit my great grandpa. i'd never assume that going to visit him would be so draining, but it is. i can't imagine how the little lady does it every day; sometimes twice a day. i'm convinced my grandma is wonder woman.

[ my only work since college ]

here are more images of the portfolio i made for cp&b. this was such a labor of love and like i said in my previous post, i am so happy with how everything turned out.

on a slightly sour note, it is the only work i have to show for myself from the past nine months since i graduated. that's right kids, my old employment gave me absolutely none of the work i created and finished while i was working there. real nice huh? oh well...

my only true heartache about this piece is that i'll never see it again. which is agonizing!

[ fail ]

the month of march was not good to me. after a long over due trip to columbus, ohio, i suffered a crippling head cold for a couple weeks. after recovering from this nasty bit of sickness my great grandpa t's health started spiraling. my grandma goes out to visit him everyday, and i took to the practice as well. she'd pick me up and we'd go out together. i was her support system i guess? i don't know how much support i gave her, but it seemed to be a little easier on her with me there. plus i could provide comedic relief when she would brush his dentures... so gross.

i applied for a job with a company in boulder, colorado last month too. here are some pictures of what i created for them:

i made a "mini-portfolio" to send to them, did a french fold of the portfolio pages, and made covers out of a gray wool and leather. it was the first creative thing i've done since graduating and i couldn't be happier with the way it turned out! i also created another pattern for the back of my resume/cover letters. i've jumped on the plaid trend hard, as you can tell by the back of my cover letter...

[ MIA ]

my apologies. i've been traveling and fighting a nasty head cold.

i will report more later. promise.

[ a spark of madness ]

so after a week and a half of being a lazy piece of garbage, i am putting myself back on track, and back on a schedule. too be a little less harsh on myself, it was a medical issue that kept me in a general state of lazy, but never the less! i am back!so to kick things off i am going on a "applying for jobs & working on my brand" kick. until my website is done i am taking my URL off my resume. i refuse to put off this next chapter in my life for something i may never finish. doesn't make sense. i'm not giving up on the site, still going to work on it, just not going to have it be my primary focus. i'll work on it when i'm inspired and up for battling dreamweaver. end of discussion.

i think a lot of this has to do with my bestest of friends. she's working on getting out of a bad work environment and while i don't necessarily have a work environment at all, i do need to get on with my life.i can't keep doing what i'm doing. no matter how comfortable i could be doing this well... forever...

i know i've said this before, but i think my trip to columbus this upcoming weekend will reinforce my resolve to get my life back together. fingers crossed shall we?

here are some lovelies i've had my eyes on:

a marie antoinette inspired photo shoot:

this modest mouse poster:

and these AMAZING alphabet cups!

[ movie review ]

stardust = cutest movie ever!!

this movie came out a couple years ago, 2007 to be exact, and i didn't see it then, but let me tell you, it was worth the wait. i've been feeling pretty blue lately, not really sad, just disappointed and kind of numb. given what's been going on with a certain boy in my life it's not surprising really, but i'm tired of my lack of emotions.

today was the perfect day to be lazy too! my area of the country is in the snow belt so we are used to obscene amounts of snow. unlike the rest of the east we haven't gotten the apocalyptic amounts of snow; that changed today. no more than usual really, but too much for me to brave leaving the house :) i was very fortunate to have this movie waiting in my mailbox after lunch.

a-dorable. i can't stress enough how cute this movie is! and i recommend it to anyone looking for a feel good/slightly chick flick movie. it was suspenseful, charming, funny, and just completely lovely. oh goodness, it made me so happy! i am a complete sucker for a love story, and i feel for this hook, line, and sinker ha!

another new love in my life are basset hounds. good lord, i took one out to play with at our mall's pet store and my heart melted! she was running around the little room falling all over the place, tripping on her ears. it took everything i had not to break down and take her home right then and there. but having a highly allergic mother and living under her roof were reason enough to postpone my purchase. bad news. the pup was teething, so my hand is pretty scratched up and bleeding in a couple spots. whoops...

i really want puppies. but i have to wait that one out. for now, i'll go to the mall and play with the puppies waiting for homes.

[ three of my favorite things ]

so, a couple posts ago i mentioned getting new glasses. well here they are! pretty happy with the thick black frames, i wanted a pair of vintage ray bans, but there were so many complications! insurance being the major thing, price being the other.

this picture also contains two of my other loves right now. slate gray nail polish and my circle ring, found here. circles are kind of my thing right now, i have them everywhere! (even as a tattoo... my one and only!)

the final point of interest in this photo is on my index finger knuckle. i have a "c" shaped scar there from a dishwashing mishap 9 months ago. together with my circle ring my hand says "co", as my little sister rachael points out all the time :)

[ something borrowed ]

i found this list somewhere on found i believe... and visually, it left much to be desired. so i spruced it up a bit. also... it's the perfect guide to how new people in my life should behave! haha! honestly, if i could come with a manual. this would be it:

[ long over due ]

way too much of this blog has been devoted to my disastrous love life. if you can call it that... i've been dealing with a lot more drama than i've become accustomed to and i owe it all to that boy i once cared so much about. now don't get me wrong, i still have that irrational need to have him in my life. now however, i can recognize where those emotions and feelings are steaming from. a HUGE accomplishment. HUGE!!

i'm not a terribly proud person. what i mean to say is that i am not overly proud, i can take defeat, failure, etc, pretty well. this being said, i can attribute almost all of my issues with said boy to pride. i kept giving him chances, even when he didn't deserve them, over and over again, hoping he'd prove me right! he'd prove to me that i gave my heart to someone who deserved it! even though things didn't work out, i wasn't wrong to give my heart to him. but i was wrong, and i hate being proved wrong, especially about this. it may not seem like a major feat, but for me, it is. knowing now exactly why i keep giving him chances is empowering. the only downside is the immense disappointment flooding over me from the realization that he wasn't worth it, he didn't deserve my love or my friendship. i was wrong about him.

i'm hoping everything will be easier with this knowledge, this slap in the face. i've come to really dislike this boy in the last few months; in a way i didn't think was possible. i don't like these feelings but i hope they give me the push i need to really and truly move on once and for all. let it sink in: lauren... he. isn't. worth. it.

[ sunny days ]

today, though utterly unproductive has been pretty fantastic. since my full insurance will be up on sunday, i decided i needed a new pair of glasses. i mean, who knows the next time i'll have vision insurance? i don't. so i drove out to east jesus nowhere and picked out an adorable pair of new frames that will be mine in a week or so. very excited :) so instead of taking the highway home, i took the long way, and continued to drive aimlessly for some time. it's been such a long time since i've gone for a drive. just me and my car, frances. it felt good. music blaring, singing at the top of my lungs, just driving with no destination, no time schedule. i might [funds for gas permitting of course] have to do this more often. it feels fantastic.

[ telephone calls ]

he called today. oh man, it was SO good to hear his voice. it's been a little over seven weeks since we talked, and even longer since we've last seen each other. seven weeks doesn't sound like a very long time at all. we used to talk every day though, sometimes more than once. bah! i refuse to dwell. it was phenomenal talking with him today and i cannot wait until he comes home. i just hope we can see each other, even if it's only for an hour or so. keep your fingers crossed for me? yeah?

[ big dumb ninny ]

so much for being productive! i've been so bad this week, haven't gotten as much as i've wanted to done at all. although i have made small strides. made my last two doctor's appointments. found out i'm eligible for glasses before my insurance runs out. gone to the gym. once. oh drat!

i want to set a couple goals for the rest of this week. 1) get website working in dreamweaver 2) call my beloved andrea and beg her to walk me through hosting it 3) go to the gym every day! 4) write cover letter to amazing firms i've found in the last couple months (big, major, huge thing i need. nay. have to do. this one is a must!

get set. go!

p.s. how cute are these owls? image found on ffffound. i'm off to make myself a quesadilla. mayhaps i'll post again later. we'll see how much i get done! fingers crossed!

[ productive! ]

i hate wasting food. i made this tasty little breakfast sandwich about an hour and a half ago and have yet to eat it. lost all sense of appetite. harumph!

i can at the very least chalk my lack of appetite to being productive. whenever i get in the zone everything else falls to the wayside. appetite included. i made some pretty awesome strides today. balanced the old check book. paid all my bills. got my sister's confirmation letters up to the church. hung some things on my wall. and laid out three full pages of my new brand-spanking new website. then, due to pure idiocy on my part, lost everything i had created in illustrator. fuck. went to get the mail and came back to a crashed computer program. bah!

moving on. though i loved what i was doing, i hate illustrator of laying things out. it doesn't have the same kind of controls and guides indesign has. so though i have to restart basically, i can do it with more control, a closer comparison to the end result which i'll have to create in dreamweaver.

i've been listening to the glee soundtrack all day. i love it. for anyone who needs a free link to listen to all the songs they've done on the show, click here. hope you enjoy! i love this show! and i cannot wait for it to return in april! stupid american idol...

[ jello legs ]

did the gym thing yesterday. now i feel like jello. it's kind of a nice feeling; knowing my body has been worked and is now tired. when i was younger i was much more active. dancing, gymnastics, soccer, swimming, volleyball. not really an athlete, but i still did things to stay active. that came to a stand still when i started college. homework took over my life and the reality of being a poor college student didn't really allow a rigorous active lifestyle. i'm trying to fix that now.

had another dream about him last night. this brings the total up to six i believe. enough is enough subconscious. i get it, you're not ready to give up. but i am. one would think i could reconcile my inner feelings toward this boy, but i can't. he isn't in my thoughts as much, and i'm learning to breathe without him. but there is this little twitch in the back of my head, the back of my heart, that says, "hang on. don't give up."

some good news: my website is slowly getting off the ground. that's exciting. i want to have all the pages laid out in illustrator so next week i can get on dreamweaver and publish this bad boy. fingers crossed huh?

[ organization ]

a couple days into my new life and i am not doing as well as i had hoped. i really need to buckle down, get to the gym, work on the two projects i need to complete in the next two weeks. i have no excuses. no go!

awesome logo huh?

[ wood chips ]

good lord. this has been a crazy couple of days. on the one hand, i lost my job. on the other hand, i don't think i've been this happy/inspired/creative/excited/etc... in a very long time. i will work hard. i will. i am finally doing what i want both in life and in creative endeavors. i've learned my lessons and although i wish they would have walked away learning theirs, i know they won't.

moving on! minus that little hiccup last week, things have been good. i've been working little by little on all my "resolutions" and the list of things i want to do before i'm 24. although, with the loss of a paycheck some of the list, like save money, will be put on hold.

i'm not a big fan of snow, but driving my sister back to school last weekend was so beautiful! all the trees were covered in the fluffy stuff and everything looked so beautiful and peaceful.

all in all i'm ready to hit the ground running. but first i've got to makes some lists! for anyone who loves making lists i highly recommend this site: listography.com. i've been on it for a couple months now, and it's love!

[ two shoes! two shoes! ]

happy new year!!

yes, yes, yes. a little late. but better late than never right? i must say, this new year is treating me quite well. it is exactly the fresh start i want. i've started this year with a promise to myself to purge any and all excess in my life. i'm starting with possibly the most daunting aspect of my life, the personal part. i've deleted numbers from my phone, old emails that no longer bring joy and smiles to my life, and people from social networking sites that are either no longer in my life, were never in my life to begin with, or people I no longer want in my life. part of me thinks this is kind of harsh, give people the benefit of the doubt you know? maybe they'll surprise me and rise to the occasion? i have to keep telling myself that i've given everyone more than enough chances, and it's time to put my foot down. it's scary, but it feels good.

almost three months ago to the date, i broke my foot. and life as i knew it became 100x more complicated and more frustrating. as of yesterday, january 7th (my lucky number mind you!) i am finally rid of the air cast i have been sporting as an ever present left shoe. knowing a companion to my right shoe is now a reality has brought on a profound happiness and much brighter outlook to my life! i'm not really walking normal yet, and due to my lack of boot, my foot is much more sore than normal. but i'm not complaining... it feels amazing to be free of my astronaut boot!

the only cloud in my bright blue sky is the boy. he's been writing to me since he left. his letters make me miss him so much. they are so ridiculous and so funny, i was literally in tears while reading his last letter. he is transformed in my mind to the boy i loved, not the scum bag that left. it's hard to reconcile who he is when he isn't around to be a fucktard. it's do or die time with us. like always.

i want to end on a happy note. i'm trying to plan a couple trips this spring. one to north carolina and the other to portland. these are making me incredibly antsy, but i'm excited to potentially cross off an item on my "23 before i'm 24" list!