[ on my mind ]

two blogs in one day. hot damn! 

here is what's on my mind tonight:

he is currently in south dakota. 4 states. 1 time zone. and roughly 1083 miles away. it feels like we are on different planets some days. 

another thing on my mind is....

CUPCAKES!

i've been thinking a lot about my future recently. specifically, if cake decorating is in it or not. seeing this beautiful image makes me want to keep experimenting and learning even if i have to do it on my own. 

sleep is the last thought for tonight. so exhausted after my double today and i have to turn around and do it again tomorrow. BUT! my brother is in town for an hour or so and i am so, so, so, excited to see him!

[ reckless ]

sums me up quite nicely i believe. it seems like when i finally have things back on track i completely derail.  it's one of my most obnoxious traits. after a bad break-up, i don't think anyone can be certain exactly how they will be effected. i know i had no clue. turns out i'm a lot more damaged than i ever could imagine. even though i feel stupid saying this, and it's not at all the same thing, i was minorly abused by the one i love. it's not the kind of abuse you can see or even talk about, it's the kind where the evidence shows up long after the damage is done. the core of me, more or less, has been altered due to his actions toward me. and now? now i feel like a crazy. reading way more into something than i should. assuming feelings that aren't there. all the things i did to compensate for being treated badly. what have i done to myself? 

onto more pleasant business. literally. i am in the executive decision making business now. i've put my life on hold for long enough. i've cleaned my wounds and patched myself up the best i can, and now it's time to move on. i've been pretending for a long time now that home is where i belong. that erie had enough to hold me. i love my home, but i can't stay here any more. i've made up my mind and i'm moving back to columbus. now i have to figure out when! 

oh, p.s. i do realize the contradictory nature of those last lines in the picture above and my previous statements! 

[ cap city : the after show ]

columbus ohio. a home of sorts for four years during college. i came to life in that city; really woke up to the person i wanted to become, and started working and growing towards being her. a major problem in discovering so much about yourself and growing into a different person is not fitting into that box you so comfortably lived in for so long.

i've run into this head on. my hometown isn't enough for me anymore. how awful does that sound? incredibly awful. it's the truth, no matter how i try to disguise it, how i try to belittle it, i can't deny it.

i'm well aware that the only thing truly keeping me here is my family. i recently read kelly cutrone's book, "if you have to cry go outside" and it really opened my eyes. it's a great book. honestly. if you're looking for some inspiration in your life, read it. you won't be disappointed. but after reading it i've made a pact with myself. if this new job doesn't work out by the end of the year i am moving. that's right. packing up all my belonging and leaving my security blanket to try and find some peace and happiness. sound like a plan?

[ movie review ]

stardust = cutest movie ever!!

this movie came out a couple years ago, 2007 to be exact, and i didn't see it then, but let me tell you, it was worth the wait. i've been feeling pretty blue lately, not really sad, just disappointed and kind of numb. given what's been going on with a certain boy in my life it's not surprising really, but i'm tired of my lack of emotions.

today was the perfect day to be lazy too! my area of the country is in the snow belt so we are used to obscene amounts of snow. unlike the rest of the east we haven't gotten the apocalyptic amounts of snow; that changed today. no more than usual really, but too much for me to brave leaving the house :) i was very fortunate to have this movie waiting in my mailbox after lunch.

a-dorable. i can't stress enough how cute this movie is! and i recommend it to anyone looking for a feel good/slightly chick flick movie. it was suspenseful, charming, funny, and just completely lovely. oh goodness, it made me so happy! i am a complete sucker for a love story, and i feel for this hook, line, and sinker ha!

another new love in my life are basset hounds. good lord, i took one out to play with at our mall's pet store and my heart melted! she was running around the little room falling all over the place, tripping on her ears. it took everything i had not to break down and take her home right then and there. but having a highly allergic mother and living under her roof were reason enough to postpone my purchase. bad news. the pup was teething, so my hand is pretty scratched up and bleeding in a couple spots. whoops...

i really want puppies. but i have to wait that one out. for now, i'll go to the mall and play with the puppies waiting for homes.